Waking up...

This morning I woke up feeling refreshed.  After a few moments of laying there, I remembered I had been in a funk and I wondered where my funkiness went to.  Maya had joined me in bed and my sick lil man was asleep til 8:15 for a change.  Thank God for warm comforters and snuggly little girls.

It wasn't until I was out of bed, making coffee and Maya's lunch that I realized...I had a dream about Chris.  I am sorry to report, it wasn't a 'visit' from the other side.  No major messages to distribute or truths to be told.  It was an odd dream.  We were on vacation with Chris' brother, sister-in-law, niece and our kids.  There were other people there too but I'm not sure who they were but somehow I knew them.  We were all staying at this house though I'm not even sure where we were or why we were there.  In my dream we were having a good time but we needed to leave to catch our flight.  I kept telling Chris maybe we should pack up but his response was that we should just enjoy ourselves and that maybe we should try to change our flight so we could stay longer.  I agreed.  He was always telling me to slow down and enjoy the moment.  In reality I wish I could change his flight home...and we could just stay a little longer.

Why would such a normal dream make me feel better?  I think it's just that...normal.  Chris was normal, he was smiling, he looked real and I felt happy.  Our kids were happy.  Our family was happy.  It was a glimpse of the 'pre' life that made my heart rest easy for a bit.

This is the only dream I have had about Chris.

Today I could breathe, I could laugh and I even let my mom pick up Maya for me from preschool.  I got two huge boxes of food items from a mystery sender that warmed my heart and made me laugh all at the same time.  An email from a childhood friend made my heart ache yet was an overwhelming reassurance of the human experience I am having.  Did I mention the phone call I got just moments after posting my last blog?  It was from a friend who read it then decided she had to call.  She made me laugh for an hour.  Today I even put away the displaced items into my newly refurbished bathroom (ok so it's not totally done, but almost!!!).  Even my minor heartache over what to do with Chris' bathroom items didn't deter me for long.  Are you wondering what I did?  Some of the old, used, nearly empty things I tossed without heartache.  If you walk into my bathroom, however, you will still find some of his personal items that just felt at home there again.  One day we will part ways, but not yet.  Maybe one day I'll need that Old Spice High Endurance deodorant?!?! 

No promises, but hopefully I will have a few days of reprieve to feel real again.  In the mean time, I'll make sure I have my life jacket and helmet close at hand as well as the slew of freinds who have and continue to rally around me.