I am ever amazed at how my moods, emotions, ideas and drive vacillates from moment to moment without bother to single imminent change.
Putting Maya to bed tonight had me alternating between giggling and pensive self-analysis.
I read Maya a bible story on my Nook tonight...The Creation. She loved it especially in light of her recent appreciation of prayer and communication with God. Tonight she wanted God to tell daddy she loves him. It was also the first night in awhile where, during her prayer, she did not ask God to send daddy back. The most difficult part of this request is the obligatory conversation we have post prayer in which I reaffirm the fact that she knows daddy cannot come back. Immediately I curse my life because I loathe being in the position to have this conversation at all. Nevertheless, she loved the story but what followed was a series of questions that made me think, laugh and hug my sweet girl.
First up was "Mommy, are there kids in heaven." Oy! Of course, I give the honest answer then followed it up with the fact that we all came from heaven and will return there once we are done on Earth. This insight lead to a short conversation about my to-be-born niece Amelia. Maya told me all about how Amelia punches from inside Auntie Trisha's belly. From the punching we transitioned to talk about when Amelia is set to be born (around Easter which is subsequently Maya's birthday this year). Then...the question: Do babies poof out of their mommy's belly? Ummmmm. Yes?!?! I wish?!?! Ok, so I gave her the honest answer, thinking about this same conversation my pregnant sister-in-law had with her 4 year old recently. Of course Maya interrupted in giggles and wanted more information. I am pretty sure I terrified Maya who then told me she doesn't want to have any babies, she just wanted a couple sisters. Pretty sure that ain't happenin'.
Leaving Maya's room I was still smiling. In between a text message, eating the last piece of birthday cake and trying to figure out what to write on an 18 month update about Owen for my blog, I suddenly felt...blech. The sudden left turn started when I decided to download Social Distortion's new album for my IPod. While moving the songs into my folder on ITunes, I saw the Warren Zevon song, "Keep Me in Your Heart." That's when it happens, the pain. So, here for you is the song that is bringing tears to my eyes tonight.
Sabrina, I had never heard that song, and now I don't think I will ever forget it. Thank you for sharing, not just the song, but you as well. I think about you guys everyday and my heart is always with you.
ReplyDeleteAdrienne
I enjoyed that song tremendously- thanks for sharing. I too feel like my emotions change on a whim these days.
ReplyDeletethat song sounds like it was written for you from Chris. I can definately see why it made you cry.
ReplyDeleteOne of my favorite moments of this pregnancy was when on New Years when all 3 girls had their little hands on my belly trying to feel her kick. They're so precious.