Anniversary

I tried to write a post on April  9th but only got as far as a title before I gave up.

In retrospect, the anticipation of of the day turned out to be more stressful then the day itself. Instead, I woke up and thought, yes, today is it.  Instead of tears, however, we got going because it was a busy day of packing, errands, soccer, dropping off and checking into the hotel.

A month or so ago I decided I wasn't going to sit around and be depressed so I got my close friends and family on board or a 'night out.'  I decided on the casino...because Chris would have loved it.  Of course, in retrospect it had me wondering why we didn't do this when he was alive.  Also, apparently retrospect is my word of the day.  I reserved a suite which was great for hanging out and we had a second room thanks to my parents.

Instead of going into the details of the night....I will tell you this.

April 9, 2005 I walked down the stairs of the Hollywood School House in Woodinville Washington and listened to the beginning of Cannon in D.  On cue, my dad and I walked down the aisle to a beaming (though flushed) Christopher.  The string quartet was beautiful and my soon to be husband, dashing.  If I could bottle the feeling I had in that moment (aside from the fear he was going to pass out) I would.  And when I am missing Chris the most I would take a moment to relive that time, the happiness, the hope, the love.  I suppose I have come to terms with the fact that this will always be a major fact of my life and that it will eventually alter everything about my current life.  I have also come to terms with the fact that though my love for Chris will not change, my passion probably will.  It's this passion I want bottled so that I always remember and can relay it to my children.