April 9th

Today, seven years ago, I married Chris at the Hollywood Schoolhouse in Woodinville.

I watched him, flushed from nervousness as I prayed he wouldn't faint.  He hated being the center of attention.

Seven years ago began an amazing, crazy, unimaginable journey.  It was an adventure I thought would take me from wedding to wife then onto motherhood and into middle age.  I had a journey in mind.  My path was clearly laid before me.  Together we had enormous dreams and we set out to accomplish them.

Today it's difficult to put into words my feelings.  I listened to this song and I smiled... it reminds me of Chris' attitude about life.

We played this song after Chris' service.  I still love the idea that he is over the rainbow, thinking about what a wonderful life it was.  Chris was so light hearted; it's what first attracted me to him.  He loved so easily and had an enormous heart.  Ok, now I'm crying.  That wasn't the plan.  I think it perhaps was a little too brave to open that song to play in another window.

Today I stopped frequently to mentally pen what I might say about this day and what it meant to me.  I seem to have lost all eloquence.

Seven year ago it was the beginning of a wonderful journey.  Six years ago it was the beginning of parenthood...ok so not human parents but doggy parents.  Five year ago I was on the verge of having our first child and we were so nervous.  Four years ago we couldn't believe we had a one year old and tried to celebrate at a B&B on Orcas only for Chris to fall ill with a high fever for the weekend.  Three years ago I was pregnant with our son, completing our family.  Two years ago I was registering Maya for preschool and looking at Owen's first birthday coming up and we celebrated with a weekend in Seattle.  One year ago I couldn't believe my loss, devastation and I was even shocked at my ability to move forward, one step at a time.

The other night I was reminded of what a great laugh Chris had when Maya wanted to see our old videos.  I love both of these following videos.  They remind me of our happiness.  They remind me of how much he loved those kids and most of all they remind me that my life was real and not this blur of a memory, as if it passed way to quickly to really ingest the gravity of the little moments. 

Tonight, on the seventh anniversary of the day we married...I raise my glass to an amazing guy, one whom I was proud to share my life with and who lead me on so many of my greatest adventures in life thus far.  Rest peacefully.