Total Bombshell

I know it was a bombshell.  A few of you knew, but I had been enjoying my secret.  For once something in my life was just mine and it was happy and I loved it!  For once I wasn't hiding pain and sadness and it was such a welcome relief I almost didn't want to share. 

But I outed myself; he's too wonderful not to share at least a little about.  I have a boyfriend though the word seems to apply to 15 year old high school students and not my life.

I had contemplated dating again back in April but had spoken the words aloud to very few.  The reactions I got were slightly questionable which made me wonder if I was insane.  But here's the deal.  Widowhood is an in-your-face sort of experience.  I feel like I am and have always faced it head on.  At times it has kicked my ass but I finally arrived at a place of peace.  So, I stepped up to the plate...or the website.  I know, I know.  What is the world coming to?

It was one those surreal moments like picking the petals off a daisy, wondering if you're in or out?

I won't divulge too many details, but I was in.  

A week after we started emailing, texting and talking on the phone he left for training 3 hours away.  At first I thought, oh well...he was nice.  Instead it lead to about 5,000 text messages...and counting since he isn't home for 4 more days.  I did, however, get to go see him last Saturday....

I wasn't expecting this.  I'm reading this book called Sing You Home and in it this girl talks about her counselor working her way into her troubled life.  Ok, so the scenario is very different BUT her words are applicable.  She said "She kind of crept up on me.  But...not like in a bad way.  Like when you're standing on the beach right down by the ocean, and you think you've got a handle on it, and then when you look down again you've sunk so far that the water's up to your hips.  And before you can get freaked out, you realize you actually don't mind going swimming."  That's how this is.

Instead of overwhelming anxiety about meeting him, there was peace and I realized it was not just good, it was awesome.