Good Reads

Today has been occupied by trying to kick this stuff clogging my head and the nighttime cold meds I took last night which make me feel like I'm seriously drugged up.  On top of that, I was perusing Good Reads and general book club websites for a book; it's my month to choose and holy cow, there is pressure!!

I digress...

I have been on and off Good Reads but really simply forget to enter books in...though really I thought I had so maybe I have multiple accounts?  Hmmmpf....

As I stopped onto Good Reads I decided to enter a couple recent books in and one was Good Grief by Lolly Winston.  I rated it and wrote a review then scrolled down to check out other reviews.  Lots of excellent reviews and then the words "As a widow" caught my eye.  Red flag, red flag, Sabrina.  Stop reading.

The woman talked about the impossibility of the woman doing so well at the end of the first year and at the closing of the novel.

I rolled my eyes and then caught myself.

Yes, it was impossible for this reviewer to be in the position to feel as though she was doing "that well at the end of the first year" because this journey, as is life's journey, a personal, individually paced journey.  My thought is, open your heart and your mind to the possibility.  I understand so many view relationships within the first year of a spouse's death as disrespectful to the deceased and irresponsible of the widow or widower.  I wondered if Chris would feel disrespected by my attempt to gage my journey as well as my ability to feel a connection to another person, truly I know he would not.  So much prayer and self contemplation went in to these steps.  So much.....

We all have our own pace in life.  Relationships begun in the first year have many caverns and shadows to explore.  They require patience, understanding, love, and recognition.  The deceased will always have a place in the family.  They will always be a parent to the children and the love they had and their place in the family is imperative to remember.  I'm not sure, however, if it is exclusive to first year relationships; I believe it is significant to all widow relationships.  I suppose I believe care must be taken in a fast paced relationship, as well as in a slow paced journey of self discovery after a spouse's death.  Either journey has it's joys as well as it's caverns.

I'm always bothered by these proclamations because truly, I would never do anything to disrespect Chris, our life, his memory or the lives of his children.

Perhaps she couldn't imagine it, but I can and I love this truth.