Sidenotes....

Totally love all of you who came to my defense.  I suppose I should have prefaced my entry with a few facts.  I am only bluntly honest all the time with a handful of people and though I expose my raw emotions here and to friends and family at large, I am a person who filters quite frequently based on past response to my situation, their connection to me, Chris or the kids as well their current life situation.  I know, I shouldn't be but I really do put that much thought into my conversations now not to mention despite the blog, I am a private person and there are some parts of this journey I want to divulge to very few because it feels like continually walking around naked with all your flaws exposed.  I know that neither Chris' death nor my journey through healing is a flaw but it's the best comparison I could think of...me walking around showing my post-baby stretch marks in a bikini at the mall. 

Having said that, this person I am brutally honest with...and though I wouldn't say I am an overall cynical person I think that Heather's response to my post hit it right on the head.  Being cynical is reality and in the end, it helps me move through this and be pleasantly surprised when things are going well or when they go better than planned however it is a safety feature in my life right now.  

I appreciate all of you diving in with love though!  It's that support that helps me get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other.  The reality is that I called myself out first on being cynical more out of fear that I may spend the rest of my life with this attitude unless I decide to be proactive about it all.